Sofía told me a joke today. "A man is hanging over the precipice and calling out 'Help, help, anyone there, please help me'. A choir of angels come around him singing "we are here, let go, we will take care of you." He looks at them saying 'Thank you so much. You are so kind.' Then looks back up the cliff and shouts 'Is there anyone else there, please help me.' "
All these blog words about "Dancing in the now" and "facing the void" are fine 'words', but what is the reality. I have had a little money and the 'void' has been gradually looming ... but over there. Yes there have been lots of small deaths over these months, as preparation.
In my dancing and meditation I am mostly able to be fully in the NOW .... but the rest of the time? Well it is a more patchy story, sometimes yes, sometimes close to it and often lost in the past or future. As the looming void now gets very close, and my struggles come to nothing, this seems to sharpen my attention.
Yesterday a clairvoyant friend gave me a healing treatment. Her message was clear: in trying to control the future I am messing with 'God's business', it is not mine. I have already asked for help, so let it go and get on with living the now. Creating my future from an abundant present. Fine words I thought, maybe I should stop working with her, this is her own stuff telling me this, she is not living what I am.
At night I had a session with my wonderful shaman Pio who has just arrived for the next few weeks. I was asking the Ayahuasca the same question, "what do I have to do to save myself?". So for the first time in over 70 sessions I had no visions, no overwhealming inner dialogues and resolutions, no visits from other beings .... I had nothing. I was well and comfortable in my body, very present, but nothing else. I looked to make some sense of the experience. "Something is wrong. The Ayahuasca is weak. I am escaping looking at my big questions." But no, I was experiencing the void, seeing myself trying to escape from it or fill it with something. Asking Pio he said "Trust, have faith. Read St Francis of Assisi." I began to get the hang of it by the end of the session.
Today in my dancing my proposal was to dance the nothing ... in the void. Difficult, it's one thing in a meditation or doing Ayahuasca with my eyes shut, and quite another dancing around with other people and the eyes open. But I had several moments of it, finishing with a gentle dance right on the edge of the precipice, and then stepping fully over and dancing in the void, feeling the loving energy of 'angels' taking care of me ... trusting.
Another session with Pio tonight
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Hi Norman!
ReplyDeletemy name is alice marzano, I found your blog while googling Doctor Pio Vucetich, since he will be coming to Barcelona end of the month for a ayahuasca ceremony. I would love to attend that, develop further in my spirituality and confront my fears. I would like to know more about this ceremony,what happens, if it has any risks? maybe you could be so kind to give me some advice? I am a toddler healer myself, see and feel spirits whenever somebody needs to be given a message, love or support and recently I started reading aura's. In the last couple of years my spirituality has been developing in a fast tempo..but I also tend to step back..I guess its a fear, since I encountered some negative entities in the past, which -even though I know they can't hurt me- freak me out. I guess its that fear, that makes me doubt weather to throw myself into ayahuasca or not. I hope you can advice me on this.
warm regard,
Alice
you can contact me on alicemarzano@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteThank you again so much,
Alice
Hello Alice
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late reply, I have been away and not checking the blog. I have sent you information about Pio and ceremonies in Barcelona.
Trust your fears, they are OK. Let yourself step back. Take it slowly. I often tried to rush this process and this gave me more problems.
Listen to your different inner voices: the one that wants to go faster, the one that wants to step back, others... Have a dielogue between them. See who is holding anf mediating this dialogue. Draw it all.
Ayahuasca with Pio is gentle and respectful - you won't have any bad experiences. It shows you where to go and helps you to feel the lve of the greater spirits.
Call me.