In sharing this contract with some close friends and helpers over these last weeks, some have become quite serious with me: "You can't do this. You have to value yourself. This means putting, and standing by, a real price on your activities and services."
On one hand I agree completely. Most of my life I have not listened to or properly valued my own needs. I have been working with this for over 20 years. I had this in my meditation on Wednesday morning, and found some insight for myself, which I share with you.
Value
What do we value? By which criteria? Value seems (in our culture) to be equivalent to money. I even hear some 'spiritual paths' and approaches like 'the Secret' saying 'if you don't have money then you do not value yourself.' Hm, interesting.
In our culture then the arms-sellers, pornographers, money-traders, lawyers and politicians etc obviously have more self-worth than I do. And the exploited people, land, cultures, resources, etc only have value for their exploitation.
I passed through a meditative phase of battling against the above values. We should create a system which values the creation and support of life as its base. So things such as mothering, childcare, eldercare, earthcare, etc would be the highest paid activities in this economy. But this becomes complicated, and is complicated in our current economy where the 'so called' creators of work and resources are highly valued whilst they destroy or over exploit other elements of the global economy. There can be no heirarchy of value.
In my meditation I became aware once more of the transpersonal sense of self. My individual self has little meaning when not connected to a universal unity or God-self. In this universal unity then everything has value. I have value in as much as I value all existence (known and unknown, pain and pleasure, ...). As Krishnamurti said "There is pain. There is love." In trying to possess them (or money) I (the individual) contribute to the sense of separateness from the God-self.
Either everything, really everything, has equal love and value or I am placing myself above God in deciding which parts of creation are good and bad. Yes I am born into a body and with choice. I do not eat in MacDonalds or have sex with everyone I might fancy. These are choices within the very limited context of the tiny part of God-self I manage here in this life. These cannot be universal declarations regarding value or love.
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Friday, 30 October 2009
Contract with God 2
Well it has taken me these last 5 weeks of internal and personal work to come up with a new 'contract' that I feel is authentic and clean. This means clean of manipulations, self-pity or expectation on anyone, even God.
Then I struggled with: If this is a contract with God, should I send it to people? ... Well only if I can do it without any manipulation or expectation. So I have been working to clean out these old aspects. I began to send it this morning ... and here it is.
My contract with life is through the divine which connects us all
We live in times of great transformation. It has become clear in my meditations that my 'work' is to live with trust in the Great Spirit and teach compassion. I am now surrendering to this path of giving and receiving with love.
I dedicate my life to supporting and inspiring others on this journey, as well as inviting support for myself.
Over the last few years I find myself working to help people live with consciousness and integrity. Often this means learning to live in this world, with their body, beliefs, emotions and relationships whilst maintaining a deep spiritual connection.
When I have offered this in a commercial exchange it does not work. Spirit tells me to let go and trust. I now offer this work with love, without any fixed charge.
I cannot know which people, resources etc I will need to carry out the above comittment day by day, so I give thanks that the Great Spirit provides whatever is necessary in each moment.
I live very simply and am open to creative and ecological solutions to meeting my needs.
To ask for help or to support me via my web site - Click here
With Love
Norman
Then I struggled with: If this is a contract with God, should I send it to people? ... Well only if I can do it without any manipulation or expectation. So I have been working to clean out these old aspects. I began to send it this morning ... and here it is.
My contract with life is through the divine which connects us all
We live in times of great transformation. It has become clear in my meditations that my 'work' is to live with trust in the Great Spirit and teach compassion. I am now surrendering to this path of giving and receiving with love.
I dedicate my life to supporting and inspiring others on this journey, as well as inviting support for myself.
Over the last few years I find myself working to help people live with consciousness and integrity. Often this means learning to live in this world, with their body, beliefs, emotions and relationships whilst maintaining a deep spiritual connection.
When I have offered this in a commercial exchange it does not work. Spirit tells me to let go and trust. I now offer this work with love, without any fixed charge.
I cannot know which people, resources etc I will need to carry out the above comittment day by day, so I give thanks that the Great Spirit provides whatever is necessary in each moment.
I live very simply and am open to creative and ecological solutions to meeting my needs.
To ask for help or to support me via my web site - Click here
With Love
Norman
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Falling into the game of Mastery
My fears have always limited me:
- Fear that I will become trapped in the role of leader or master and end up abusing others from this role.
- Fear that if I have money and power these will isolate me from living fully in the now, from facing the pains of living as a person in nature, and so inhibit my growth.
On Friday evening with Sofía and Salvador I found myself falling into the role of master. I was blessing Salvador and freeing him from mental struggle of finding a spiritual path. I was giving him a magic experience of feeling loved in the NOW.
But I was doing it from a humble and humorous place. I surprised myself. I had felt this role as serious and a burden, but now suddenly it was something easy, light, a game to be played, a role I could play 100% for a while and then let go of completely, without attachment.
What a liberation! I laughed all the way home, and for the following 24 hours. This now frees me to really shapeshift.... to allow the master in me without fear of entrapment and to relax into abundance without the fear of this isolating me from God.
But I cannot 'plan' these magic moments of mastery or abundance. That would still come out of my fearful attempts to control the future. When I let go into trusting the Great Spitit in the NOW, then I find what I need in each moment.
- Fear that I will become trapped in the role of leader or master and end up abusing others from this role.
- Fear that if I have money and power these will isolate me from living fully in the now, from facing the pains of living as a person in nature, and so inhibit my growth.
On Friday evening with Sofía and Salvador I found myself falling into the role of master. I was blessing Salvador and freeing him from mental struggle of finding a spiritual path. I was giving him a magic experience of feeling loved in the NOW.
But I was doing it from a humble and humorous place. I surprised myself. I had felt this role as serious and a burden, but now suddenly it was something easy, light, a game to be played, a role I could play 100% for a while and then let go of completely, without attachment.
What a liberation! I laughed all the way home, and for the following 24 hours. This now frees me to really shapeshift.... to allow the master in me without fear of entrapment and to relax into abundance without the fear of this isolating me from God.
But I cannot 'plan' these magic moments of mastery or abundance. That would still come out of my fearful attempts to control the future. When I let go into trusting the Great Spitit in the NOW, then I find what I need in each moment.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Facing the void again
Sofía told me a joke today. "A man is hanging over the precipice and calling out 'Help, help, anyone there, please help me'. A choir of angels come around him singing "we are here, let go, we will take care of you." He looks at them saying 'Thank you so much. You are so kind.' Then looks back up the cliff and shouts 'Is there anyone else there, please help me.' "
All these blog words about "Dancing in the now" and "facing the void" are fine 'words', but what is the reality. I have had a little money and the 'void' has been gradually looming ... but over there. Yes there have been lots of small deaths over these months, as preparation.
In my dancing and meditation I am mostly able to be fully in the NOW .... but the rest of the time? Well it is a more patchy story, sometimes yes, sometimes close to it and often lost in the past or future. As the looming void now gets very close, and my struggles come to nothing, this seems to sharpen my attention.
Yesterday a clairvoyant friend gave me a healing treatment. Her message was clear: in trying to control the future I am messing with 'God's business', it is not mine. I have already asked for help, so let it go and get on with living the now. Creating my future from an abundant present. Fine words I thought, maybe I should stop working with her, this is her own stuff telling me this, she is not living what I am.
At night I had a session with my wonderful shaman Pio who has just arrived for the next few weeks. I was asking the Ayahuasca the same question, "what do I have to do to save myself?". So for the first time in over 70 sessions I had no visions, no overwhealming inner dialogues and resolutions, no visits from other beings .... I had nothing. I was well and comfortable in my body, very present, but nothing else. I looked to make some sense of the experience. "Something is wrong. The Ayahuasca is weak. I am escaping looking at my big questions." But no, I was experiencing the void, seeing myself trying to escape from it or fill it with something. Asking Pio he said "Trust, have faith. Read St Francis of Assisi." I began to get the hang of it by the end of the session.
Today in my dancing my proposal was to dance the nothing ... in the void. Difficult, it's one thing in a meditation or doing Ayahuasca with my eyes shut, and quite another dancing around with other people and the eyes open. But I had several moments of it, finishing with a gentle dance right on the edge of the precipice, and then stepping fully over and dancing in the void, feeling the loving energy of 'angels' taking care of me ... trusting.
Another session with Pio tonight
All these blog words about "Dancing in the now" and "facing the void" are fine 'words', but what is the reality. I have had a little money and the 'void' has been gradually looming ... but over there. Yes there have been lots of small deaths over these months, as preparation.
In my dancing and meditation I am mostly able to be fully in the NOW .... but the rest of the time? Well it is a more patchy story, sometimes yes, sometimes close to it and often lost in the past or future. As the looming void now gets very close, and my struggles come to nothing, this seems to sharpen my attention.
Yesterday a clairvoyant friend gave me a healing treatment. Her message was clear: in trying to control the future I am messing with 'God's business', it is not mine. I have already asked for help, so let it go and get on with living the now. Creating my future from an abundant present. Fine words I thought, maybe I should stop working with her, this is her own stuff telling me this, she is not living what I am.
At night I had a session with my wonderful shaman Pio who has just arrived for the next few weeks. I was asking the Ayahuasca the same question, "what do I have to do to save myself?". So for the first time in over 70 sessions I had no visions, no overwhealming inner dialogues and resolutions, no visits from other beings .... I had nothing. I was well and comfortable in my body, very present, but nothing else. I looked to make some sense of the experience. "Something is wrong. The Ayahuasca is weak. I am escaping looking at my big questions." But no, I was experiencing the void, seeing myself trying to escape from it or fill it with something. Asking Pio he said "Trust, have faith. Read St Francis of Assisi." I began to get the hang of it by the end of the session.
Today in my dancing my proposal was to dance the nothing ... in the void. Difficult, it's one thing in a meditation or doing Ayahuasca with my eyes shut, and quite another dancing around with other people and the eyes open. But I had several moments of it, finishing with a gentle dance right on the edge of the precipice, and then stepping fully over and dancing in the void, feeling the loving energy of 'angels' taking care of me ... trusting.
Another session with Pio tonight
Learning to ask
As this gets closer I have some moments of great fear as well as entering into a kind of pre-death peace with myself and the world.
Over the weekend, out of desparation, I was trying to let a room in my flat ..... to delay the moment a bit longer. I set to cleaning and throwing stuff out ... and did my back in so had to spend two days mostly on the sofa, with little movement ... and recurrent fantasies of ending up a cripple, homeless, sleeping under a bridge. My adverts to let the room have come to nothing. But meditating away from my desparate thoughts and connecting with the NOW - "I am well, what do I need now?" ... a massage. My lovely ex came to mind, "but she has a boyfriend and is sure to be busy" .... I trust my inner feeling and ask with an SMS. "I'll be over later", came the rapid reply.
I also asked to win the lottery ... but it didn't happen.
So 1 out of 3 in the asking lesson. What is the difference between them? In the first and last I am asking from desparation and with expectation. In the second (successful) case I ask out of need and with no expectation.
Over the weekend, out of desparation, I was trying to let a room in my flat ..... to delay the moment a bit longer. I set to cleaning and throwing stuff out ... and did my back in so had to spend two days mostly on the sofa, with little movement ... and recurrent fantasies of ending up a cripple, homeless, sleeping under a bridge. My adverts to let the room have come to nothing. But meditating away from my desparate thoughts and connecting with the NOW - "I am well, what do I need now?" ... a massage. My lovely ex came to mind, "but she has a boyfriend and is sure to be busy" .... I trust my inner feeling and ask with an SMS. "I'll be over later", came the rapid reply.
I also asked to win the lottery ... but it didn't happen.
So 1 out of 3 in the asking lesson. What is the difference between them? In the first and last I am asking from desparation and with expectation. In the second (successful) case I ask out of need and with no expectation.
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